Today, my brother was sharing a memory of the day my sister was born and how my mom dropped him and my other brother off at my grandmother’s house while she was on her way to the hospital. They passed the time playing and building forts and remembers another reason why it was so much fun because my grandmother had made homemade tortillas and a pot of beans. It brought back memories of when I was little and would often build forts with two or more chairs and put a couple of sheets or blankets over them. I would also go underneath the kitchen table if I wanted a bigger fort. I also had my other special hiding place in my closet where there was this little teeny tiny space off to the side where you could crawl onto a shelf behind my clothes. I would visit that space quite often to escape whatever scared me whether real or imaginary. I felt safe and secure in my forts and closet where no one could see me and I was invisible to the world as if for that moment I didn’t exist.
Today, I really needed a fort to escape what was before me. I wanted to run into my closet and hide from reality. It’s challenging when you’re dealing with other people’s emotions, fears, joys, pains, struggles, etc when you have your own to process and deal with. I guess this may be how it feels when you have children. You want to fix everything, make everything right, take away anything that may cause them harm, keep them safe, and have control. When I was little, I could get away with hiding to escape and when I was ready to face life again, I came out. It didn’t take very long because I was claustrophobic. Then all was well with the world until I got scared again then back to the closet. I spent a lot of time alone so that hiding place was my friend. As a child, it was so easy for me to hide and I honestly felt like it solved all my problems no matter how big or small. As an adult, it’s not so easy. I have responsibilities not only to myself but to others and I can’t afford to hide or escape. I’m recognizing that as I’ve gotten older, it’s harder to face certain things that never used to bother me before. It’s a scary feeling when you come to terms with this reality and how your mind can deceive you at times. I think for me now that I’m recognizing this, I can deal with it without any shame because I know that I’m not alone. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but all things are possible through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.
I was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from today’s events. No need to share at this time what took place, but despite the information overload, questions, frustrations, doubt, and taking extra steroids to deal with all this, it was still a good day and I’m grateful for how things played out. I even found time to laugh in the midst of this.
I can’t do what I used to do and hide out in my forts or closet anymore (or can I?) to escape reality and close out the world, but I can make me some homemade tortillas and a pot of beans!
The World of Dlo 