Big Plans

Do you see how this is blank? Well, I had big plans for today, and little did I know what was in store for me.

Our morning began normally then within an hour I’m doubled over in pain from my abdomen. I hadn’t been sick so this came out of the blue. I tried to power through because I needed to tend to mom to get her morning routine going. Luckily, today was her scheduled shower in the morning from her Hospice Aide so after she was finished with mom, I asked her for her help so I could give myself the emergency injection of steroids that I so desperately needed in order to avoid an adrenal crisis. I also had to call Helping Our Seniors to see if they could provide a caregiver at the last minute to come to stay with mom while I got myself together to get to the clinic. Thankfully, the caregiver arrived within the hour and so did one of my brothers. I arranged for my transportation to the clinic through my friend Ted who happened to be available. My sweet cousin Lucy was also available for my transportation home. I’m so blessed with all these amazing people in my life who are here for me in my time of need.

I made it to the nearby TX Med Clinic which I had never been to before but honestly wanted to avoid the ER. It was a good decision aside from them making me complete a form on the mobile app only for it to cut out midway through and then I had to fill out paperwork all the while in pain, in tears, and about to pass out. I finally get in to see their Dr who ruled out the usual issues they look for with my symptoms but unfortunately, he couldn’t offer me any insight about the cause. It ended with pretty much what I expected him to say which is to follow up with my Primary Dr. Another thing that was unexpected was the Dr actually asked to give me a hug before he walked out. By the end of my time at the clinic, the pain had subsided but just left me weak and tired.

So as the day went on, I was just trying to process what happened and what the possible cause could be. Then like a light bulb moment, I remember that I had an abdominal sonogram completed a couple of months ago that my Primary Dr had ordered. The results showed an issue and I was provided a referral for a Specialist. Funny enough I told my Primary Dr that I was going to hold off on seeing the Specialist because what they saw hadn’t been giving me any problems and that I don’t have time for it because I have mom to take care of, financially can’t afford to do it, etc. I’m sure I gave a pretty good list of valid excuses. All of this to say, I suddenly hear that voice inside telling me what more needs to happen before I get your attention? Yes, God, I hear you. I’m listening.

Yesterday, I called in a request for mom’s Hospice nurse to come over and check on her due to an issue we had in the morning. Toward the end of the visit, he stated to me 99% to your mom and 1% to you. You need to take care of yourself or else. I’ve been doing my best. I’m honestly in better shape than I was a year ago and I’ve been consistently doing my strength training and working out at home. I’ve also been put through the wringer more over the last few months especially over the past two weeks with some unexpected events with mom’s health and have felt defeated. I know that I’m not alone and I remind myself of this every day. My faith is what has been carrying me through this. I also know there is always room for improvement and making adjustments. My mission is to pray for wisdom on how to do this so I can continue this journey.