I woke up this morning on a mission to put the recycling bin out on the curb for a loved one who is unable to do so themselves. She might be able to do it herself if it’s not too heavy to move, but her memory is the issue. She cannot keep track of which bins are collected on each day. She has Alzheimer’s Disease, and her short-term memory is affected. I was there on Saturday, and as I was placing her plastic trash collection from her kitchen into the bin, I noticed it was pretty full. I have to wait until the day of collection because I noticed that when I put the bin out the day before, she will bring it in, thinking it has already been collected. For some reason, she would even see that it is still full, but she gets confused. I was hoping to not wake her because she gets startled, and that can cause her to get an anxiety attack. I did my best to be quick and as quiet as possible, and thankfully, she did not hear me.
She called me around lunchtime, and she had no clue that I had gone over this morning. I told her I was there and that her trash was already collected. The conversations we have are on repeat, but in her mind, it is the first time we are talking about them. This last time I was at her house over the weekend, she was adamant that she wants to sell her house and go to an Assisted Living facility so she can be taken care of. I was encouraging her and stating that it was a great idea, and we were going over all the perks. A few months ago, she went on a tour of a facility, and she often speaks of it and how nice it would be to live there. She will sound very convincing that she is ready to go, but from one minute to the next, she will change her mind. Sure enough, this morning, in speaking to her on the phone, she said a mutual friend of hers is mad at her because she will not go to an Assisted Living facility. Without any hesitation, she stated that she wants to stay in her house and she is not ready to go anywhere. The conversation with her friend sparked her to feel anxious and upset, and the more she spoke of it, the louder she got. I had to be quick and find a way to calm her down.
It is all about the distractions, so I interrupted her and asked her to go to her kitchen and make sure she had her insulin pens on the table. I began to walk her through taking her insulin medication and her oral medications, which I am sure she forgets unless I call or her friend calls her. Then I went on to talk about the weather, and she forgot all about being upset just minutes before.
My hope and prayer is that she will go into an Assisted Living facility because it is not safe for her to be on her own. She will have a better quality of life where she is taken care of, getting a more stable diet, and they will make sure she is getting her medications daily. It is difficult to watch how your loved one can be consumed by a disease that overtakes their mind. It is even more difficult when you do not have any power to do anything. I have to release my feelings of frustration and worry to God because only He has the power to handle this situation.
This is only one of many tunes that keep coming up on repeat shuffle in my life. There is always something that keeps trying to trip me up, discourage and disappoint me, test my patience, and push me to go off and say what I truly feel and think. But yet, I find myself yelling and crying out to God about what I do not understand and asking why this or why that, because it can be all-consuming.
God, help me to quiet the noise that surrounds me so that I can hear the clarity only You can provide as my world turns.
The World of Dlo 