Let Go.

I feel like I have been fighting a battle for the last 7 months. It involves a loved one who has Alzheimer’s Disease, and since being diagnosed last year in early summer, it has progressed to the point where she needs to be cared for in an assisted living and memory care facility. The fact of the matter is that I am dumbfounded as to why there has been a delay in the process for this to happen. I have heard the explanations, but they do not make sense to me. Since I am not involved in her care or her power of attorney, I can only voice my concerns and suggestions, which often feel like they are falling on deaf ears.

It is difficult to watch a loved one slowly become a shell of who they once were. On the outside, they still look like themselves, but on the inside, their mind is deteriorating, and there is nothing that can stop it. What I prayed would not happen is now happening, and that is, she is wandering out of her house. I live close, and so far she remembers how to get to my house, but one day she won’t remember, and that is the scary part. What worries me is that she just walks out of her house without any identification. If someone were to come in contact with her, they won’t know who she is, and I honestly don’t know if she would be able to say. It depends on the moment and her mental state. There have been instances where I am not home, and somehow she makes it back to her house safely. Other instances when I am home, I walk her back to her house, and she often just leaves with her doors open, or if they are closed, they are unlocked. I can tell her not to leave the house and explain to her what my work schedule is and that I will not be home, but she soon forgets when I just told her.

Each time there is an incident, my only course of action is to notify her friend, who handles her care and who lives out of state, about what is happening. Aside from that, there is no plan of action in situations like this when her friend is not here visiting. I hate the feeling of helplessness, and I get frustrated when things are not happening as fast as I think they should be. So this is the ongoing battle that I face because I want to fix this problem, and I cannot. I do what I can to visit her, make sure she takes her medications, make her food, and enjoy our time together. If I can’t go visit, I will call or text her and hope she can work her phone at that moment.

I have been recently assured that the right decisions regarding her care will be made soon. In the meantime, I will do my best for her while she is home and continue to treasure my moments with her.

It’s time for me to stop battling, let go and give this to God.