At this point in my life, I am all about the little things and celebrating any accomplishment, big or small. I think that small steps lead to more significant changes. I keep receiving confirmation from different avenues that I need to focus on the Lord, and He will guide me in my steps. It is not like I did not already believe this, but right now, when I am debating on what I should do professionally, this is ringing loud to keep my focus and move forward no matter who or what is attempting to distract me.
It is not even a week into the month, and so far, I have had my start-of-the-year follow-up appointments with my Primary Physician and my Endocrinologist. The good news is that all the lab work that was ordered came back good, with the exception of a couple of things. We are continuing to make strides to keep those conditions associated with my Adrenal Insufficiency manageable. My health is now a top priority, and that goes hand in hand with my mental and spiritual health.
Here is to making little changes that will have a significant impact!
For the last 12 years, I have continued to experience pain and burning in my legs from my knees down on a consistent basis. After a series of tests checking the nerves and having a muscle biopsy, the cause of this has yet to be determined. My last test was in 2022 and since then, due to my responsibilities as a caregiver to my parents, I honestly did not feel like it took priority, so I decided to accept it and just live with the pain. Fast forward to now, I have fulfilled my caregiving responsibilities, and that journey came to an end. I have within the last year, began addressing my health and had hernia repair (5 hernias) and my gallbladder removed. Now I am once again considering pursuing the issue with my legs to see if my suspicions are valid, that it may be some form of Neuropathy.
I joined a gym in November 2023 and started working with a personal trainer. I was going consistently up until I had my surgery in March 2024 and was out for 5 months due to a challenging recovery period. My trainer and I needed to regroup and modify my training sessions due to the type of surgery I had. We have continued to have our training sessions which will be coming to an end within the next month. In addition to the gym, I also work out at home, and I am physically active with doing projects around the house and yard as much as possible.
The pain can be overwhelming and can literally stop me in my tracks. It is literally mind over matter and I keep telling myself do not quit and do not stop moving. My bestie recently gave me a treadmill that her mom used to have and now I have added it to my home gym. This is the second time this has happened, but today on my way home from work, I could not wait to get home because I had made up my mind I was going to get on the treadmill and beat my distance and time from my last walk on the treadmill. Sure enough, I did it and it felt empowering!
I will be speaking to my Primary Dr next week and will address my concerns with my legs. In the meantime, I will continue to power through and not stop moving.
I utilize the VIA Para transportation service, and I will usually have different drivers, but occasionally, I will encounter a familiar face. Recently, a driver asked me, as soon as I entered the vehicle, if I still worked at a place he remembered taking me to. His question threw me off because of the place he mentioned I had not worked at in over two years. Unfortunately, he did not look familiar to me, so my memory was not serving me well then. He explained that as soon as I started talking, he remembered me and my personality and that I looked different. At that moment, my thought was whether this could be a good or bad thing. He had just picked me up from the gym, so I was not looking my best. He also remembered me often telling funny stories about my mom and dad and being their caregiver. As the conversation continued, I relaxed and realized this was a good thing.
This encounter made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was a reminder that while I am on the transportation service, which, due to being a rideshare, can be a quick trip or an hour and a half to two hours long, to take the time to share a friendly hello and thank you to the driver and conversation if the driver is open to it. I never know who I will encounter on my trips, but I hope to brighten someone’s day with a smile, hello, and thank you.
It’s taken me a while to get the motivation to write anything, to put words together, and to filter my thoughts to make sense of them. I have yet to figure out where to begin due to the battle that is ongoing in my mind. I am almost willing to admit it might be easier to sort through the present and work my way back. Maybe, just maybe, feeling vulnerable enough to share.
I completed an energy assessment at my house last fall, and in the process, I was informed of a weatherization program offered through City Public Service. Due to other priorities at the time, I had to place this on hold. Recently, while thinking about preparing the house for winter, I thought of completing the application. After my application submission, I received a call that I qualified for the program. Another home assessment was scheduled, and they stated that they could install insulation throughout the house and attic, replace an old wall heater, and replace the front door.
Upon hearing this news, I was beyond elated and grateful that this would be possible. This house was built in 1959, and the original structure, windows, and doors are all original. The house was never well insulated, so we always had A/C wall units to use in the summer and winter space heaters in each room, except for old wall heaters in the living room and bathroom that I remember using when I was younger.
Over the last 5 years, we have replaced the roof, part of the original plumbing underneath the house, a new water heater, and other minor maintenance issues that arose, but other than that, this house has stood the test of time. The life changes of my parents no longer here bring many instances of reflection on the impact that this house has had on my life, especially over the last six years that I have been living in it. Thankfully, I can continue residing in this home thanks to my parents.
With the circumstances over the last couple of years, I feel an even stronger sense of being under construction. On November 26, 2022, after my dad passed, my foundation began to crack and showed signs of disintegrating. On September 4, 2023, after the passing of my mom, my foundation collapsed and was reduced to nearly nothing. When you reach that point, one wonders what, if anything, was salvageable. There have been too many times in my life that I have lost count when I have been stripped down to the core and did not see any light or hope for my future. Then suddenly little by little signs of life would reappear and each time a new blueprint was designed for the next rebuild. Currently, there is another blueprint in the works being created for me and I wait in anticipation of what it reveals.
So, a caution to all. I am still under construction.
A revelation came to me recently: the fall season has constantly ushered life-changing events that may have begun as early as 2007. That was the first in a series of defining moments in my life, which started with the diagnosis of a pituitary tumor in October 2007. In December 2007, I had two brain surgeries to remove the tumor. After a series of complications and being on the threshold of death, I was left with my optic nerves damaged and partially blind and diagnosed with Panhypopituitarism, Hypothyroidism, Traumatic Optic Nerve Neuropathy, and Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. To say I was never the same after this is an understatement.
In the years that followed, I continued to navigate through what was my new norm with my diseases and how to manage them daily. While I was dealing with another unforeseen medical issue of another tumor, this time, it was in my intestine; my mom was in another state dealing with a life-threatening operation. This coincidently happened on the same timeline as mine, from September to December 2014. The guilt I felt of being unable to be with her during these times was overwhelming, but I could not travel. Luckily, my brothers and sister were there to help my dad and care for my mom during her recovery and rehabilitation. I will never forget when my parents (who had never traveled by plane before) came to see me when I was having my tumor surgery in 2007, and my mom had a medical episode where she fainted in my apartment. This was immediately after I was released from the hospital for the first time, and she was transported to the Emergency Room. It was that same day when I had my own emergency due to an infection because of my recent surgery. I was also transported to the Emergency Room, and my mom had already been admitted to the hospital due to broken vertebrae because of her fall. So here we are, both my mom and I, in the same hospital briefly until they transported me back to the hospital where I had my surgeries. We both went through our recoveries, and my parents returned home.
I continued to live my life the best way I could despite what I was dealing with physically with my disease and additional medical conditions. I still took vacations to visit my family periodically and check on my parents. I also had a relationship and a career that were important to me, so my focus and determination was to continue business as usual, no matter the cost. The time to pay eventually came; coincidently, it was in the fall of 2015. The payment was my relationship of 14 years, which, in all honesty, was not a surprise, but it did not eliminate the heartbreak and feeling of failure. I remember attempting to analyze the situation and give myself some perspective on what occurred, and a sense of weightlessness slowly unexpectedly came to me. Just when I thought I could breathe again, another cost still needed to be paid, and it was literally with my life. Due to a snowball effect of medical issues, I had a life-threatening incident at work where I collapsed, it forced me to face the writing on the wall and make the difficult decision to walk away from my career of 11 years and that was finalized in the fall 2017.
From this point on, Fall continued to bring changes, especially personally with heartbreak in the loss of my parents, the loss of myself, and my purpose in life. At the point of giving up, the gift of renewal spiritually came and provided a source of strength, peace, and comfort during the darkness I witnessed through my looking glass.
I cannot ignore the many instances during these circumstances where doors were opened, and I was given favor in the form of employment opportunities and contacts made that I never expected. Even during turmoil and chaos, there were moments of light that broke through to shine some much-needed hope and answer prayers.
I continue to approach Fall with a sense of wonder, anticipation, and humbleness to what lies ahead.
My Wonder Woman. My mom, Gloria. She was a wonder from the beginning, and I was glued to her side so I would not miss a thing. We were always outside, and she would always read to me. We would hang out on the swing. She would sing and talk to our pets and the birds, and I would watch her work in the yard with my dad. That was my world as a child, my happy place.
My mom was a determined, stubborn, strong, skeptical, loyal, loving, creative, crafty, intentional, thoughtful, and strong woman of faith and God. Even when we were apart for those twenty years, we were still together. Her voice and her love flowed through me. Little did she know how connected we really were because we were both going through our own medical challenges at the same time but experiencing them miles and states apart.
God brought me back to care for her and my dad. This journey showed me just how much I learned from watching her while I was growing up, how pivotal it would play in caring for them both, and how pivotal it would be after they passed.
I still hear her voice, and her love still flows through me. She is still my Wonder Woman.
Here are a couple of treasures that I kept of my mom. I’m honestly not sure how long she had these items, but I remember her telling me a story about the two bookends given to her by, I believe, one of her aunts many years ago. I remember seeing the mirror when I was younger and always admired it from afar. I have this mirror sitting out at my makeup vanity, and I often use it even though I have a larger mirror with lights. It brings a smile and comfort to my heart that I cannot express.
My mom treasured the bookends, and she always had them displayed in one way, shape, or form through the years. I remember I had moved them once, and I accidentally dropped one of them, as you can see. My heart stopped, and I was sure I would get in trouble. I confessed that I broke it, and I think I tried to get my dad to glue it back together, but as you can see, it did not work very well. I set them back on the shelf and did not touch them until after she passed. I keep them displayed in the living room with my books. For some reason, I do not want to repair the break just yet. For now, I will continue to admire these, too, because, despite the break, they are in good hands.
Today is the first time I have met someone in person who has the same disease as myself, which is Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I have had this disease for almost seventeen years and pretty much have felt alone because I have not had anyone to talk to who can relate or understand the struggles with this disease. It was not until years after being diagnosed that I discovered Facebook support groups for individuals with Addison’s Disease and Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I thought to myself that I hit the jackpot! It was a place to learn how others were living with their disease and the symptoms they were experiencing. I could ask questions and then go to my physician and see if the treatments and medications I was learning about would work for me. It was a safe place to vent my frustrations and feel like I would not be judged. I am still a member of various support groups, which are vital sources of information for me.
A couple of months ago, I received a response to a blog post I had shared on Nextdoor. Much to my amazement, it was someone who also has Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency and had a similar story to mine of living in Colorado and working in law enforcement. It literally blew me away. After communicating through email, we finally met today for lunch, and it was so encouraging to feel like I had made an ally. We were talking as if we had known each other before, and it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone and not have to explain the specifics of our disease because we knew what each was saying.
If my memory serves me right, I believe an Endocrinologist told me about support groups on Facebook. I look back and wonder why I did not ask more questions and inquire about local support groups available through that particular health system. That is my fault for not speaking up then, but I lived and learned my lessons. I have had conversations with individuals, and I have found myself sharing that you need to be your own advocate because oftentimes, you cannot rely on others to do it for you. I learned this not only with myself but while I was my parent’s caregiver. There were many instances when I needed to be their voice and advocate with their physicians and in every aspect of their lives. I would not hesitate to make the necessary calls to get help. I will continue to do this for myself and use my voice to ask questions and inquire about available resources and guidance. Maybe in this process, I can gather more allies, and we can help and support each other.
The bottom line is that we are not alone, and God will be there to guide us along the way, but we need to ask for help. If we do our part by reaching out to our local community resources, physicians, etc., then God will take over the rest.
Matthew 7:7-12 NIV translation: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Why do I have a photo of a typewriter, you ask? I saw two episodes of Columbo recently, and in both episodes, someone was typing on a typewriter. It brought back some memories of high school and my first office job. Allow me to rewind to when I was in high school, and I was in the Vocational Office Education for the last two years of high school, which was 1988-1989. I had completed the necessary credits early on, so I had an opportunity to be a part of this lab class, which was my favorite.
My classmates and I would fight over who would type on the newer electric typewriters because we only had a few. We would do lessons in typing without looking at the keys, and I must say I mastered that skill. We also learned how to do dictation from the tape dictation machine and 10-key.
Through this lab class, I got my first office job during my senior year in high school. I went to school for half a day and then went to work. After I graduated, they hired me full-time, fulfilling my goal of being a secretary. I wanted to be like my sister because she worked in an office as a secretary. This job taught me valuable lessons on how to gauge through office protocol, politics, gossip, and dynamics of working with women vs men, learn who you could trust and not trust, and try to hold onto my moral values and beliefs. I was one of the youngest in the office, so I had much to learn! I still remember one co-worker who introduced me to acrylic nails and how you can type just as fast and efficiently and do almost anything with them. I was immediately hooked, and she also shared her fashion tips with me. It felt good to have that one work bestie I could trust and go to if I needed help. A whole new world opened up to me and set the stage, and prepared me for my future work endeavors.
It sounds crazy, but I often think about how cool it would be to have a typewriter to hold onto those wonderful memories of where I started and where I am now.
The World of Dlo 