I saw this writing prompt this morning and I knew one answer that has been on the forefront of my mind. On September 4, 2023, my mom passed away peacefully here at home, and on November 26, 2022, my father passed away peacefully here at home. I was with both of my parents when they took their last breath. I had the honor and privilege of living with them and being their caregiver for five and a half years. I have yet to fully grasp both of their passings and will eventually have to confront the many emotions and feelings that I have kept inside. What I am willing to share in response to this question is that I find it difficult to say goodbye to knowing what my purpose is in life. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my purpose was revealed to me in March 2018 and that was to be my parent’s caregiver.
Now, I find myself back to the question of what I want to be when I grow up. At age 52, I honestly don’t know yet, but I know this is a new journey of (for lack of a better term) finding myself again. I know I lost a bit of myself because my world revolved around mom and dad and I set myself aside. I knew the moment would come when I would see myself again but honestly was feeling a bit of trepidation due to not knowing what would be left of me if anything. Mirror mirror on the wall what remains after all.
It is like starting to put a puzzle together but all you have are pieces and no picture on the outside of the box of what the puzzle is supposed to look like. I grab different pieces that look like they fit together and build it up from there. This process can be overwhelming, frustrating, scary, and exciting all at once. My dad and I would do puzzles together and I had my moments when I needed to just stop and walk away because my eyes were getting tired from being strained at looking at the different patterns of designs or some with the same design. I would get frustrated when I could not find a piece and I was convinced that the puzzle was missing that one piece. At least with our puzzles, we had something to refer to for guidance and what the finished product looked like. The current pieces of my life are in just one huge pile and I am still attempting to pull them apart and make some sense of it all.
My only hope is to keep praying and trusting in the Lord to guide me in this new journey that lies ahead. I know each piece of this puzzle will reveal what I need to see.
The World of Dlo 