Hear This!

Am I Talking Loudly?

My dad never used his hearing aids, and my mom only used one of her hearing aids, so I was always having to talk loudly so they could hear me over the TV blaring full blast. After dad passed away, it seemed like mom’s hearing got worse, and I often wonder if her dementia played a role in that. After my mom passed away, I still found myself turning on the TV full blast and utilizing the captions. It was too quiet without them here, so that was my way of coping with them being gone.  I often encountered a few people who would point out that I would be talking loudly in a social setting. I was thrown off by their comments and almost offended because I did not understand what they were talking about and why they felt the need to point this out to me. I thankfully have never had problems with my hearing before, so there has never been a conversation about me needing hearing aids.

Then, after much thought, it dawned on me that the reason why people would hear me talking loudly was because, after almost 6 years of living with mom and dad, that was how I communicated with them. I had to speak loudly to them to hear me. I guess it became almost second nature to me, and I did not realize it until it was pointed out. I then found that I had to constantly explain myself on the subject. It just became increasingly annoying having to address it to those who felt the need to constantly point it out.

I can see how they did not understand. You can lose yourself, and certain actions and behaviors that you become accustomed to doing while caring for others do not faze you. It is not about you anymore or how you look to others because, at the end of the day, none of those things matter.  How quickly people can point out other idiosyncrasies that bother them.

At times, I find myself turning up the TV a bit more (not quite as high as with mom and dad) and utilizing the captions. No, I am not hard of hearing. I just miss mom and dad.