New Beginnings

I am not sure if I ever searched for a new beginning because once I get comfortable, it is hard for me to accept change. I think I was more open to new beginnings when it came to the jobs I have held. My parents instilled in me to not jump from job to job and to learn as much as I could about every aspect of the position I held, as well as the other positions within the company. In this way, the supervisors could see how hard a worker I was, how adaptable, and how valuable an employee I was. As I started early in my work experiences, I tested this, and it worked to my benefit, and I have carried this mindset throughout my life.

I was always in tune when it came to knowing when each job had run its course, and I had learned everything I could, and it was time for a new challenge.  In other aspects of my life, it has not always been so clear for me. There have been many instances where I would go back and forth or procrastinate on decisions that I knew I had to make. There were also times when I was in denial about what I needed to do. Then circumstances would arise that would force me to decide, or in some cases, the decision was made for me. When, honestly, deep down, I already knew the answer but was too stubborn, scared to commit, or I doubted myself.

Recently, I found myself in a position where I decided to resign from my job to pursue another employment opportunity. This other opportunity did not play out as anticipated, and I was faced with the decision to quit the new job after only a week. I was feeling guilty because this decision was going against my own rules when it came to not quitting, and I was also feeling like a failure.

One thing I did know was that going back to my previous job was not an option. I had been delaying that decision, and I knew deep down it was the right thing to do, but now I was left without a job. Allow me to clarify, I was not totally unemployed because thankfully, I have had another side job that is less than part-time hours and working from home, providing some income, just not enough to sustain me. So here is anxiety creeping in, and I’m wondering now what and how I can fix this.

Fast forward to the events that transpired next. I was given a blessing beyond what I could have imagined. As a result, I had a little room to breathe and reset. What happened next was a fulfillment of a dream that I had had over the last couple of years. I would constantly look at the interior walls of my house and wonder what they would look like if they were painted a different color and if the brown paneling that has been up there since I was a child were removed. I could only dream and wonder because it was not an option until now.

I am in the midst of this project, and I have stepped right into a new beginning.