Author: dloboss

What are you waiting for you ask?

I’m waiting to get inside my work building. I have a key card to the front door, but before you get to the front door, there’s a gate. The gate is locked, and I don’t have a key to unlock it. Once it’s unlocked, I have access to start my day.

I wait for what this day brings me. What can I contribute and what can take from it?

What can I share and what can I learn?

Will I be prepared to face it or have the impulse to run?

I have no control over what happens unless it’s at my hands. If it’s out of my reach and without my consent, then all I can do is pray and wait for the footprints in the sand.

After a year of working in Records, I began to experience health issues around June 2007. At the time, I had been actively going to the gym in the mornings before work. My energy levels suddenly went from 100 to 0 overnight. I was feeling weak, tired, started having issues with my vision, and had unbelievable migraines that I had never experienced before. I had never encountered any serious medical issues prior to this so I just figured it would be a simple fix. I went to see my primary physician and he ordered different types of blood work and of course, everything came out fine and he exhausted all the tests he was able to run and did not find anything abnormal. He ended up referring me to a Neurologist for further evaluation and I told him that I thought he was overreacting. I did not think that was necessary but told him I would think about it. I remember leaving his office and was walking back to work, and something told me to stop and call the Neurologist’s office. I ignored it and again my gut instinct was telling me to stop and call. I stopped and called the office and made an appointment but still felt that it was a waste of time. After meeting with the Neurologist and going through a series of tests over a span of a couple of weeks, I recall sitting in his office and he was pointing at an image of my brain on his computer screen and informed me that I had a Craniopharyngioma which is a rare type of noncancerous brain tumor. A Craniopharyngioma begins near the brain’s pituitary gland, which secretes hormones that control many body functions. As a craniopharyngioma slowly grows, it can affect the function of the pituitary gland and other nearby structures in the brain. In my case, it was not only near the pituitary gland but had also been taking up space near my optic nerves which explains the problems with my vision and migraines I was experiencing.

I do not remember freaking out or crying upon hearing this news, but it felt more like a dream. It was like I could not hear what he was saying but I could see his mouth moving. I can describe it like in Charlie Brown when the teacher’s voice is muffled. I eventually asked him if he would not mind going over that again because I did not hear a word he said. This was around the end of October 2007 and the plan was to schedule an appointment with the Neurosurgeon he referred me to and discuss what the next step was going to be. I met with the Neurosurgeon in November 2007, and he explained the procedure he would perform on me was called a transsphenoidal tumor surgery which means the surgeon goes through the nasal cavity to get to the tumor. It was like a tube-like vacuum, and it would drain the tumor first then remove it. The date of the surgery was set for December 10, 2007. I remember the night before we stayed in our favorite hotel in downtown Denver and went to dinner and a Denver Nuggets game. I remember speaking to my niece that evening and honestly do not remember feeling scared or worried. If anything, I was anxious to get it over with so I could move on with my life. We arrived early the next morning so they could get me prepped for surgery. I think once this was happening, the reality of the situation started to sink in, and I was beginning to feel a little nervous.

In the middle of the surgery, as they were attempting to get to the tumor, I developed a spinal fluid leak, so the surgery took a bit of a detour. When I woke up from recovery, my nose had these skinny tubes in each nostril and a bunch of gauze underneath my nose. I could not breathe and there was clear liquid coming out of my nose like a constant runny nose. Well, that was the spinal fluid leak and eventually, they ended up having to put a lumbar drain at the bottom of my spine to reroute the leak. Oh yes, and the tumor in case you are wondering, was still in there because it was further down than they thought and with the leak, they had to stop the surgery. So not only is the tumor still there, but I have this waterfall coming out of my nose. The Neurosurgeon explained that the next plan of action was to take care of the leak and he was going to have to perform a different type of surgery to remove the tumor. He ended up having to do a Craniotomy which is the surgical removal of part of the skull to expose the brain. He was going to make an incision from ear to ear and remove part of my skull on the right side. The surgeon would have to do a specialized MRI the morning of the surgery to find the best route to get to the tumor. I will never forget the morning of the second surgery December 20, 2007.

So let me rewind a little bit. At the beginning of all this when I was first informed of the tumor, I called my family and explained everything to them and assured them that they didn’t need to come to Colorado because as the Neurologist stated to me this was routine surgery and I would be out of the hospital in less than a week if all went according to plan. I told them Mark (my boyfriend) would keep them updated. I especially did not want them to come because it was in the middle of winter and we were getting pounded with snow and being from Texas, they are not used to this type of weather and moreover, they had never flown before. Well, after the first surgery my prognosis turned serious, and the situation was not going to get better any time soon so Mark had to make the call to my family to inform them of what was going on. Well, mom and dad made the trip to Denver, and thankfully with the help of my sister-in-law Kim, they found a place for them to stay that was near the hospital and had a shuttle that would transport them to and from the hospital. It was a nonprofit organization that had a home where people from out of town could stay if they had loved ones in the hospital. It was a blessing to have this available for them because the only other option would have been a hotel and that would have been costly. Prior to my second surgery, the surgeon had a talk with my parents told them if I survived, I would be blind. He was explaining the spinal fluid leak complicated the situation more and made the surgery that much riskier.

Back to the morning of the second surgery. Since I had to have another MRI before surgery, I needed to be downstairs in imaging early so my nurse calls transport (two guys) assistance who would transport me in my bed to the MRI lab downstairs while she would push along the IV stands and the monitors I was attached to. Well, for whatever reason transport was not available so between myself and the nurse, we had to push my IV stands, heart monitor, this other small TV-looking machine, etc. all the while her pushing me in my wheelchair. So, I already was nervous and stressed so this did not help calm my anxiety. I remember being in the elevator and as soon as the elevator opened, I see my regular morning nurse who I just adored, and I just lost it and was having a meltdown. So, he starts to take away the monitors on my lap and tried to calm me down. Then there was this nurse coming at me with clippers telling me she needs to shave my head. My immediate reaction was, oh hell nawwww! So, I went from crying and having a meltdown to wanting to take down this lady because there was no way in hell, she was touching my head. I was all sorts of jacked up physically, but I was still ready to throw down! So, my nurse took matters into his own hands and gave me a little something to chill me out because the next thing I knew I am out. I do not remember much after that.

When I finally came after recovery and was awake, I immediately felt like my head weighed a thousand pounds and I also noticed that I could not see anything. Everything was blurry and I was seeing dark shadows. Since I had no recollection of the conversation that the surgeon had with my parents about the possibility of being blind, I did not know what was happening to me. After Mark cornered the surgeon in the hallway asking, “what the hell did you do to her?”  The surgeon explained that the tumor was further down than they thought and part of it was resting near my optic nerves. He had to move my optic nerves to reach the tumor, and as a result, I lost part of my vision. The good news was despite losing my peripheral vision, I still had part of my central vision. My field of vision is along the bridge of my nose, so I have one good eye right in the middle. He also stated that there was a possibility that this was going to be permanent. He did not know for sure and all he said was we needed to give it time. My eyes were sensitive to light so the remaining of my time in the hospital was without lights in my room. I eventually had to go to see a Neuro Ophthalmologist and was diagnosed with Traumatic Optic Nerve Neuropathy. The Ophthalmologist told me that my vision would either stay the same or eventually get worse. It has been 15 years and so far, it has remained the same. I have days where I have blurry vision and the shadows that creep up on me but that just means I need to rest my eyes and take it easy. I am still thankful for the vision I do have because it could have been a different outcome.

That was the good news now for the bad news. Before my discharge from the hospital on December 25, 2007, I had to meet with an Endocrinologist who was now going to be one of my regular physicians. I honestly did not know what an Endocrinologist was so that was the first thing I asked. The physician began to explain that because of the damage to my pituitary gland, I was diagnosed with Panhypopituitarism. I apologize in advance, but here we go with the medical terms. Panhypopituitarism is a condition in which the production and secretion of all hormones by the pituitary gland are reduced. The pituitary gland, which is also called the master gland of the body, is a pea-sized organ located in the center of the brain. It is like the command center of your body. I was also diagnosed with Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. This condition happens because of a problem with the pituitary gland at the base of the brain. It makes a hormone called adrenocorticotropin (ACTH) which is a chemical that signals your adrenal glands to make the hormone cortisol (the body’s main stress hormone) when your body needs it. If your adrenal glands do not get that message, they may eventually shrink.

I know all these medical terms are keeping you on the edge of your seat! Just wait, there is more! The adrenal glands are located above each kidney. They make important hormones that your body uses for some of its most basic functions. When they do not make enough of those hormones, you have a condition called adrenal insufficiency. Your adrenal glands have two jobs. The first is to make adrenaline, a hormone your body creates in times of stress. But the more important job is making two steroid hormones, cortisol, and aldosterone. Cortisol helps your body deal with stress and its other important jobs are that it controls your blood pressure and your heart rate, controls how your immune system deals with viruses, bacteria, and other threats, and puts more sugar into your bloodstream to give you more energy, and adjusts how your body breaks down carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Aldosterone keeps the sodium and potassium in your blood balanced, which helps control your blood pressure and the balance of fluids in your body. I am constantly craving salt. I can feel when my cortisol levels are low when I am not feeling well and to avoid taking an additional dosage of steroids to compensate for how I am feeling, I will try eating something salty first in hopes that will make me feel better. I always have sea salt chips around or other salty snacks around. Most times, I do have to stress dose and take an additional dosage of my oral steroids to feel better and to avoid any adrenal crisis.

Cortisol is important for life and its production by the adrenal glands is especially important at times when the body experiences intense stress, such as surgery, trauma, or serious infection. If the adrenal glands cannot produce enough cortisol, the body may not be able to cope with this kind of major stress, which can be life-threatening. This situation is called an adrenal crisis and is a medical emergency. I am steroid-dependent and take a regular daily dosage of my steroids on a schedule of every 4 hours. From the time I wake up to my last dosage in the early evening. This is fuel for my body like gas is for your car and it keeps me functioning and alive. I am trying to mimic the steroid levels my body would normally release throughout the day by taking oral steroids. In the event of an adrenal crisis, I have my emergency kit that contains 100mg of liquid steroid in a vial that is to be injected intramuscular and I need to be transported to the hospital immediately. Timing is crucial when you are in the middle of an adrenal crisis and any delay of treatment can result in death. I have had several adrenal crises’ and they are scary because I can feel the life draining out of me before I end up passing out. I cannot put into words how grateful I am for the medical personnel that responded quickly in these instances.

I had the same experience with the Endocrinologist as I did with the Neurologist in the beginning. I could see his mouth moving but I could not hear a word he was saying. I had just had brain surgery so my motor skills were off and could not process much of what was happening around me. It is like why would you dump all this overwhelming information on me while I am in the physical and mental state that I am in? I could barely remember my name. All I knew at that moment was I just wanted to get out of the hospital and get back home before anything else happened. It was comforting to have mom and dad there and they would get to spend time with us in Breckenridge. We were going to do our best to enjoy the holidays.

It can only get better from here, right?

Stay tuned….

I knew the position of Records Clerk for the Summit County Sheriff’s Office was meant for me. I felt it from the start. I would always observe the day-to-day functions of the Records department while I worked as the Civil Clerk/Receptionist at the front desk. I often had to assist individuals with Records when the employees were out of the office or out to lunch. This helped me when I officially moved into this department because I felt comfortable with knowing bits and pieces of what the job duties were. I enjoyed learning new skills and building relationships with the other agencies that we worked closely with. I valued the resources I had available to me through my counterparts at the other local law enforcement offices and the various government agencies that we worked with. I never shied away from asking questions or asking for help. The Records Clerks from the other local agencies always provided me with help with any issues I would encounter. More times than not any issue I was having, they had encountered before and could provide insight. The support and sharing of information between all the agencies provided a comradery and strength in numbers when things got tough.

One of the first things I learned while working at the Sheriff’s Office was that no matter how well you planned your day or how many tasks you had a goal of completing each day, you can always bet that you were going to have interruptions that were going to put a wrench in your plans. I learned very quickly to be flexible and adaptable. These interruptions would consist of people coming in-person to pay tickets, records requests, report a crime, request the civil service of documents, etc. Not to mention other interruptions that would come from Supervisors or even the Sheriff himself with on-the-spot tasks that he needed to be completed. He called them Blue Light Specials. I can still hear him walking down the hall and he would yell out “Dlo” (he called me that) and I knew he had something up his sleeve and had a task for me to complete. Other interruptions would come from the Deputies that needed assistance with Spanish translations. With these, it could be anything from traffic stops, interviewing an inmate incarcerated in our Jail, or interviewing a witness, victim, or suspect of a crime. It was like a box of chocolates without a description card. You never knew what you were going to get.

There were also opportunities to assist the Patrol and the Detention Department Sergeant’s and Deputies when they were going through their hiring process for their respective departments. They would request to have someone from the administrative staff on their hiring board during the testing and interview process so they could have the perspective of a civilian. They would often request my assistance in these instances and to be honest I looked forward to it. This would often take all day depending on how many candidates were scheduled, so it could make a long day feel longer. It was a nice break from my regular routine, but it often set me back in my own work responsibilities. Despite this, I enjoyed being involved in this process because we would discuss each candidate and how each one did during the interview process. It was also interesting to get the perspective of a law enforcement officer. I liked it when we would have moments of debate because each of us would mention different observations about each candidate. It would get especially interesting when we could not come to a unanimous decision on the candidates. I was just the civilian, so my opinion did not carry much weight as far as the hiring decisions, but it was still fun to give my two cents.

Once the new Deputy started, they would go through their Field Training Program, and during that time, they would come to Records and sit with me and I would train them on the Records system. I enjoyed this part too because I did my best to show them not only how to use the records system and what was required of them when they completed their reports, but I also explained what our responsibilities were in Records so they would get an idea of what our role was. I always had a box of tissues on my desk, and I am not sure how it started, but in the beginning, the box of tissues would be carefully placed where the Deputy would be sitting for his training with me. Implying that I would somehow bring them to tears. Seriously, this was just a joke, and I was always pleasant with the new hires. The not-so-new Deputies, well that depended on the day, but it was all in fun. This implication may have come from one of the Patrol Sergeants who would call me Captain Meano. Come to think of it, I distinctly remember him also calling me Dragon Lady. He claimed I misunderstood him and that he was calling me Dragon Lilly. Either way, the word “dragon” was used so it could not have been a compliment. At times, I must admit that could have been a valid description of me. I remember one of the previous Captains would say that people misunderstood him because he was passionate about his job and that is why he would get so fired up about certain things. So, I used that too. I just really loved my job and was passionate about how and what needed to be completed and it needed to be completed the right way. So, right or wrong, the attitude of my way or the highway often came into play.

Records was my domain, and I often felt the weight of the Sheriff’s Office on my shoulders because of the responsibilities that I had. We were responsible for the management and storage of every record initiated by our office and the Jail. I was the liaison between our agency and the Colorado Bureau of Investigation. So, to say I had to answer to a higher authority was an understatement. Every task involved a bigger picture and trying to explain that to others was often frustrating because they did not understand it. I remember there were times when we would have to provide our supervisors with our job descriptions. This would happen when Human Resources was pushing back on our request for hiring new people. When you would have the time to sit down and write down every single task you were responsible for, it could be overwhelming. You would wonder to yourself how they can think two people can do all of this.

As I mentioned in my previous post (And So the Adventure Begins), customer service was a priority in our office. I honestly believe in my case, having retail experience helped me with my interactions with the public in this type of setting. Again, it was quite opposite of the retail mindset of the customer is always right, but you still needed to provide as much assistance as possible despite what the circumstances were that surrounded the purpose of their visit to our office. One of my duties as a Records Clerk was to manage and monitor the Registered Sex Offenders that resided in our jurisdiction. The offenders were required to register either monthly, quarterly, or annually depending on the charge of which they were convicted. I would in turn have to report their registration to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation. From the moment I received notification of an offender moving to our jurisdiction, I would gather all the information I could regarding the circumstances of their conviction so I would have an idea with whom we would be dealing with and if it were necessary according to Colorado Law to inform the community.

I had to treat everyone who stepped foot into our office with respect and assist the best way I could. It was important that I set aside my personal opinions and be objective to do my job. I am not going to lie there were many instances where I found it difficult to do that, but you learn to control your emotions and wait until the proper time and place to be able to process your thoughts and feelings. On a side note, I remember one man who was charged with assault on his neighbor, and I remember one of his explanations of why he did it was because she was Mexican. I recall reading the report and getting angry over what this innocent woman endured at his hands. Shortly after his release from our Jail, he came into the office requesting a copy of his arrest report. I happened to be covering the front desk while the receptionist was out, and he walked in. Of course, I recognized him right away and I could instantly feel my blood pressure going up. This was a prime example of when I needed to set aside my emotions and do my job and assist him. I remember another instance with him when he came in because he was the victim of a crime. I thought to myself how ironic he found himself on the opposite side of where he was before and now, he was a victim. One time I had gone to the pharmacy, and I had to wait to pick up my prescription and as I turned, I saw this same man sitting in the waiting area. He looked up at me immediately said hello and my name and thanked me for helping him in the past. I could not help but notice he had this look of defeat over him which was a stark contrast to when I first met him, he had a look of defiance. I could not help but think that karma had something to do with that.

Another sensitive subject dealt with in Records was deaths. Aside from having to read and review the reports, we had to also view the photos associated with each incident. I remember shortly after I first started working at the Sheriff’s Office, I had walked to the copier room and discovered that someone was in the middle of printing pages of photos from a case. Without even thinking, I had started to gather the photos and set them aside and it took me a few seconds, but I finally processed what I was looking at. I remembered when I was first interviewed for the Civil Clerk position, the Jail Captain asked me how I would react if I saw photos of a deceased person. I told him I could not answer that question because I had not encountered that before. Well, at this moment, in front of the copier I am looking at a photo of a deceased person. I knew this was not going to be the last one, so I needed to get over the shock of it and move on. It was especially difficult when speaking with the family members and they would request a copy of the report, and some would also request the photos. The same mindset applied to these that you needed to set aside your emotions and read the report and view the photos like any other case. Nothing could prepare you when you communicated with the family members on the phone and much less in person.

There was not an instruction manual on how to be a Records Clerk. I was trained on the basics, but even the basics did not cover half of what the job duties were. It was mostly on-the-job training and trial and error. With any job that I have had, once I got comfortable with it, I had to make it my own. By that, I mean I would create my own “how-to” manual on how to perform the duties of the job. After a year of my employment at the Sheriff’s Office, I had to go on Short Term Disability. After returning to work, I made it my mission to put together a how-to manual for the position of Records Clerk. It was a large 3-ring binder that included a detailed description of every aspect of the job duties. Since this time off was not planned, I knew it left a strain on the department and those who had to cover and fill in during my absence. I wanted to do my best to have a resource available to anyone who worked in Records in the event this happened again. It proved to be helpful not only in these situations but also when training a new employee. It took a while to put together and quite often had to update and add any new information as we went along. At the end of my time in Records, this was one of my proudest accomplishments.

In early 2006, I started feeling like I needed a career change. I had been working in the Property Management/Short-Term and Long-Term Rentals/Reservations field for about 5 years and was beginning to feel bored and unfulfilled. I happened to come across a job posting for the Summit County Sheriff’s Office for a Civil Clerk. The first thing that popped into my mind is what is a Civil Clerk, and can I do it? I honestly did not waste any time and I applied for the job without even thinking twice about it. The next thing I knew, I was completing a 17-page application that was way beyond what I expected. I remember it being labor-intensive because I had to research online for my previous jobs from way back when and I honestly did not know if they were still around. After turning in my application, then it was the waiting game to see if I was going to get an interview. To my surprise, I did get an interview and it was the last interview of the day. I remember showing up for my interview and about walked out after seeing the number of individuals that were there for the same thing. Then I was thinking to myself that by the time they interview me, they are going to be tired and ready to stop for the day.

I walked into the conference room to a long table with (if my memory serves me right) five people including the Jail Commander. I was sitting alone on one side of the table in the line of fire bracing myself for them to shoot off questions to me. It was one of those interviews where you are so nervous you cannot remember what you said. I am not sure if I am remembering correctly, but it was either the next day or a couple of days after the interview that I received a call from the Jail Commander and one of the first things he said to me was “Hey kid, do you want a job?” I was speechless and shocked but managed to say yes sir! I had to go through a Polygraph exam, an extensive background check, and a Psych exam. Next thing you know, I am the Civil Clerk for the Summit County Sheriff’s Office. The Civil Clerk’s responsibilities included receiving the filings for civil cases, preparing notices and citations, and maintaining records associated with the cases filed with the Summit County Combined Courts. I would prepare the notices and citations for the Civil Deputy to complete the Civil Process Service.

A whole new world opened to me working in the law enforcement environment. A world where you are constantly shocked and amazed by humanity in both good and disturbing ways. I was working in a civilian capacity so I can only imagine what the Deputies were experiencing daily. I would love to hear the Deputies talk about their day and in many instances, the people they would encounter would end up coming into the office for one reason or another. Hearing their stories provided insight for me in the event those individuals came into the office, and I would have an idea of how to assist them. Since I was located at the front desk of the office, I would be the first person they would meet. I have always been involved in industries where customer service was a priority. I remember when I first started working in retail and the mantra was the customer is always right. In this environment, that mantra did not apply.

It was still a priority to provide customer service, but it was with caution. You learned to adjust to the different types of personalities and attitudes you would deal with on a daily basis. You also learned very quickly not to take anything personally. The one thing I was confident in was that no matter what, I knew there was always someone around to provide backup at the Front Desk if needed. We also had a panic button in the event situations got out of control.

My bilingual skills were utilized more than I could have expected. I was one of the few employees who spoke Spanish in our office, so I often assisted the Deputies in our office, Jail, Combined Courts, and the Probation Office with Spanish translations. I enjoyed learning about various aspects of the different agencies. I also began to build a rapport with the Spanish community in Summit County.

Once I felt comfortable in this position, I began to feel like I wanted to explore other positions within the company. One piece of advice my mother gave me when I was younger and began working, was to learn as much as I could about my job, but also the other positions within the company. This way I would not get stuck knowing only one skill but open to learning more. This was effective in every job I have had because I learned multiple skills and could work in different departments within each company. When I worked in retail, I was able to move around the store and work in various capacities within each department. It did not get boring or monotonous and it opened doors to other opportunities.

About a little over a year of being the Civil Clerk, I learned of a Records Clerk position available in the Records Department. I knew immediately this was something that I wanted to pursue. I submitted my letter of interest and applied for the position. After going through the application and interview process, I was promoted to Records Clerk. I was not fully prepared for what was in store for me as I began my journey as the Records Clerk. It not only impacted my life professionally but also personally. If I could have given myself advice prior to this, I would have told myself to buckle up, it is about to get bumpy!

I’ve found that I often need a distraction from the monotony of my daily routine. Something to break things up. I started taking courses from on online learning management system to improve and upgrade my work skills. I’ve been going to the gym doing strength training to keep myself physically fit not only for my own health but to be able to care for mom and to transfer her to and from her wheelchair. I’ve also been writing more and that has been very therapeutic. One of my neighbors recently approached me if I could teach their spouse English and I was more than thrilled. With being mom and dad’s primary caregiver, committing to any type of employment is challenging so having the opportunity to work from home is ideal. I’ve also been reading more and devoting more time to build myself spiritually because Lord knows I need the help. When I go shopping, I need to stay focused and stick to my list and mission at hand, otherwise if I see anything else that catches my eye (like anything shiny or leopard print) then I’m immediately off track!

I can reflect back at the type of distractions I would seek out when I was getting over a bad relationship. That would consist of alcohol, retail therapy, changing my hairstyle and color, getting my nails done, and going out to the bars and dancing the night away like I was Jlo. I had a bar that I frequented often, and I had my own bench upstairs that I’d like to think was reserved for me so that space became by dancing platform. I didn’t have to think about anything just dance and be free. Working was also a distraction for me and there was a time in Colorado where I worked three jobs at once. I worked at a T-shirt shop full time, I worked part time at the Coffee/Ice cream shop next door, and part time at a Day Spa as the Front Desk Receptionist. I basically worked myself to death because I needed to take my mind off how sad and unfulfilled, I was feeling. After getting burned out with my jobs, a friend approached me about a position that was open with a Property Management company she worked for in the Homeowner Relations department. I had never worked in Property Management, but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to have a real job with benefits and more pay so I decided to go out on a limb, and I applied and interviewed for the position. To my amazement, I got the job. I learned all the different aspects of Property Management, Short- Term and Long-Term Reservations, Housekeeping, Maintenance, and Front Desk. I really enjoyed my job and thrived in learning the different departments.

One of my favorite memories is when the General Manager took all the employees to a snowmobile tour. It was the first time I had ever driven a snowmobile. I had no idea what I was doing but we had a blast! This same General Manager at the end of every day would always say “thank you so much” to everyone. I always appreciated the fact that he always took the time to say that his employees. There is another memory I will never forget and that was when the General Manager called an emergency all staff meeting, and we were all informed that our office had been bought out by a third-party company and we were all going to be laid off. In my mind, I was already thinking about going back to the t-shirt shop to see if I could have my job back. The next thing I know, the General Manager and the new owners took myself and my friend aside and explained that we could keep our jobs and hold the same positions with the new company.  I was in complete shock and so grateful beyond words. I continued to work for this company for the following three years and was able to transfer to their office that was closer to my apartment. The company was owned by a father and son, and they proved to be not only one of the best bosses but genuinely good people. I continued in the same field of Property Management but had a more involved role in Homeowner Relations and Long-Term Reservations.

The son who was my immediate boss took on the challenge of teaching me how to drive stick shift. The previous company had these older Toyota trucks so he would let me take those out to do property inspections and I learned how to drive them at the same time. Those were honestly easier for me to learn with than the newer vehicles. I remember this one occasion he had just bought a new sports car I think it was a Miata or something like that and he needed to go to Keystone to check out a property and told me to drive him. Man was I nervous because it was a brand-new car, and I wasn’t familiar with it. I stalled out multiple times, but I eventually got the hang of it and didn’t kill us both in the process. The whole time I was wishing it was one of the older beat-up Toyota trucks. The other owner his father would often bring us treats from Denver where he lived. Since we didn’t have a lot of fast-food options in Summit County at the time, he would often bring us Chick Fil A, donuts, and any of our favorites that we were craving. His wife was just a sweetheart and would always bring decorations for the office and especially for the holidays. She would always go all out for Christmas. She had a knack for making everyone feel special and appreciated.

I resigned from my position there in 2006 and I began working for the Summit County Sheriff’s Office. In December 2007, I had my surgeries to remove a brain tumor. I wasn’t aware at the time, but I was told that the owner (the father) and his wife came to see me in the hospital. I was later informed by my parents that they offered to take care of me when I got out of the hospital. I unfortunately didn’t get the chance to see them or talk to them at that time. I never had the opportunity to see them again after that. Life happened and time went on and I lost touch with them. It wasn’t until the beginning of 2020 that the owner (the father) and I reconnected on Facebook, and I learned that his wife suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease. He was such a sweet soul, and he was her primary caregiver for quite some time before she was placed in a nursing home. It wasn’t until earlier this year in February that I learned of his passing. My heart was broken when I found out. He was a strong man of God, and he had a heart of gold. I will treasure the talks we had when I worked for him and the advice and encouragement, he would often give me. I don’t know if I ever told him, but I adopted them as my other parents.

A distraction can come in many forms both good and bad. In my examples above, I used those distractions to fill the void and emptiness I felt. The interesting thing is that they ended up revealing to me that I was placing too much importance on people and things that weren’t of any value at all. Don’t get me wrong, I still change my hairstyle, hair color, get my nails done, but it’s because I feel like it. I haven’t been out dancing in years, but I can still bust a move even better than I did back then! As I mentioned in a previous post, my self-worth was measured by if I was in a relationship. When the lightbulb finally came on and I began to step out of my self-loathing, I began to shift my focus and goals into improving myself and learning new skills to find jobs that were more challenging and fulfilling, that’s when I found my confidence and my voice. I’m thankful for the opportunities that I had, for the people I worked with (both good and bad), and the connections I made along the way. This laid the foundation of what I was going to need in my next job adventure.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2815377595344485&id=100006168164300&sfnsn=mo

When I worked at Foley’s Department store and Sears, I had the opportunity to work with the visual merchandising teams and would also be responsible for decorating the entire store for the holidays. Visual merchandising was my dream job and I loved every aspect of it. I thrived in that role and I was in heaven! Then once when we had to start decorating for Christmas right after Halloween, I began to dread the holidays. I just couldn’t get into the groove of Christmas and all that came with it that early. Since I worked in retail, it was mandatory to work the holidays and the days after Thanksgiving and Christmas which I absolutely hated because of all the chaos. The attitude of Bah Humbug was born!

Fast forward to living in Colorado and my first of many white Christmases which I loved. I lived in a quaint small ski resort town and it was beautiful during the holidays. It was like living in a postcard. I worked retail for a while in the beginning but it was nothing as bad as my experiences with Foley’s and Sears. I was working in a T-shirt/Souvenir shop so low key, no stress, and very laid back. Then after retail, my following employments not only gave us the holidays off, but we would also get paid! What more could I want?

I have some holiday memories of the first few years of living in Colorado where my friends and coworkers would get together since most of us didn’t have family to spend with. Those were good memories that I won’t forget. I’m not gonna lie, there were also times I spent with people I didn’t really know or like but had no one else to hang out with. I remember instances where the guys I dated didn’t celebrate the holidays so I would end up alone or hanging out at the bar with them. That definitely didn’t put me in the mood. I’m not proud of this but I remember one Christmas Eve I spent the night with a guy I had just met because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

During my 14 year relationship, he wasn’t much for the holidays and I think he would make the traditional holiday meals just to amuse me. He knew I missed my family during the holidays and he did his best to make it special. Since he was a chef, more times than not he was also working during that time. I think he dreaded the holidays just as much as I did but for the reason that he was extremely busy and working long hours and me because again I was alone. Here again comes the attitude of Bah Humbug! After he left, I made it my mission to decorate my deck with lights and put up my Christmas tree. From then on, I was never alone again during the holidays thanks to my close friends and neighbors who lived downstairs from me.

So, over the last year of being back in Texas I’ve had a different perspective. Now, I’m home with family and friends and I can appreciate the holiday season more and the true meaning. I still can’t grasp decorating right after Halloween, or listening to Christmas music, or watching any Christmas movies. So still not in the mood, but I’ll get there.