Author: dloboss

My Wonder Woman. My mom, Gloria. She was a wonder from the beginning, and I was glued to her side so I would not miss a thing. We were always outside, and she would always read to me. We would hang out on the swing. She would sing and talk to our pets and the birds, and I would watch her work in the yard with my dad. That was my world as a child, my happy place.

My mom was a determined, stubborn, strong, skeptical, loyal, loving, creative, crafty, intentional, thoughtful, and strong woman of faith and God. Even when we were apart for those twenty years, we were still together. Her voice and her love flowed through me. Little did she know how connected we really were because we were both going through our own medical challenges at the same time but experiencing them miles and states apart.

God brought me back to care for her and my dad. This journey showed me just how much I learned from watching her while I was growing up, how pivotal it would play in caring for them both, and how pivotal it would be after they passed.

I still hear her voice, and her love still flows through me. She is still my Wonder Woman.

Here are a couple of treasures that I kept of my mom. I’m honestly not sure how long she had these items, but I remember her telling me a story about the two bookends given to her by, I believe, one of her aunts many years ago. I remember seeing the mirror when I was younger and always admired it from afar. I have this mirror sitting out at my makeup vanity, and I often use it even though I have a larger mirror with lights. It brings a smile and comfort to my heart that I cannot express.

My mom treasured the bookends, and she always had them displayed in one way, shape, or form through the years. I remember I had moved them once, and I accidentally dropped one of them, as you can see. My heart stopped, and I was sure I would get in trouble. I confessed that I broke it, and I think I tried to get my dad to glue it back together, but as you can see, it did not work very well. I set them back on the shelf and did not touch them until after she passed. I keep them displayed in the living room with my books. For some reason, I do not want to repair the break just yet. For now, I will continue to admire these, too, because, despite the break, they are in good hands.

Today is the first time I have met someone in person who has the same disease as myself, which is Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I have had this disease for almost seventeen years and pretty much have felt alone because I have not had anyone to talk to who can relate or understand the struggles with this disease. It was not until years after being diagnosed that I discovered Facebook support groups for individuals with Addison’s Disease and Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I thought to myself that I hit the jackpot! It was a place to learn how others were living with their disease and the symptoms they were experiencing. I could ask questions and then go to my physician and see if the treatments and medications I was learning about would work for me. It was a safe place to vent my frustrations and feel like I would not be judged. I am still a member of various support groups, which are vital sources of information for me.

A couple of months ago, I received a response to a blog post I had shared on Nextdoor. Much to my amazement, it was someone who also has Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency and had a similar story to mine of living in Colorado and working in law enforcement. It literally blew me away. After communicating through email, we finally met today for lunch, and it was so encouraging to feel like I had made an ally. We were talking as if we had known each other before, and it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone and not have to explain the specifics of our disease because we knew what each was saying.

If my memory serves me right, I believe an Endocrinologist told me about support groups on Facebook. I look back and wonder why I did not ask more questions and inquire about local support groups available through that particular health system. That is my fault for not speaking up then, but I lived and learned my lessons. I have had conversations with individuals, and I have found myself sharing that you need to be your own advocate because oftentimes, you cannot rely on others to do it for you. I learned this not only with myself but while I was my parent’s caregiver. There were many instances when I needed to be their voice and advocate with their physicians and in every aspect of their lives. I would not hesitate to make the necessary calls to get help. I will continue to do this for myself and use my voice to ask questions and inquire about available resources and guidance. Maybe in this process, I can gather more allies, and we can help and support each other.

The bottom line is that we are not alone, and God will be there to guide us along the way, but we need to ask for help. If we do our part by reaching out to our local community resources, physicians, etc., then God will take over the rest.

Matthew 7:7-12 NIV translation: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Why do I have a photo of a typewriter, you ask? I saw two episodes of Columbo recently, and in both episodes, someone was typing on a typewriter. It brought back some memories of high school and my first office job. Allow me to rewind to when I was in high school, and I was in the Vocational Office Education for the last two years of high school, which was 1988-1989. I had completed the necessary credits early on, so I had an opportunity to be a part of this lab class, which was my favorite.

My classmates and I would fight over who would type on the newer electric typewriters because we only had a few. We would do lessons in typing without looking at the keys, and I must say I mastered that skill. We also learned how to do dictation from the tape dictation machine and 10-key.

Through this lab class, I got my first office job during my senior year in high school. I went to school for half a day and then went to work. After I graduated, they hired me full-time, fulfilling my goal of being a secretary. I wanted to be like my sister because she worked in an office as a secretary.  This job taught me valuable lessons on how to gauge through office protocol, politics, gossip, and dynamics of working with women vs men, learn who you could trust and not trust, and try to hold onto my moral values and beliefs. I was one of the youngest in the office, so I had much to learn! I still remember one co-worker who introduced me to acrylic nails and how you can type just as fast and efficiently and do almost anything with them. I was immediately hooked, and she also shared her fashion tips with me. It felt good to have that one work bestie I could trust and go to if I needed help. A whole new world opened up to me and set the stage, and prepared me for my future work endeavors.

It sounds crazy, but I often think about how cool it would be to have a typewriter to hold onto those wonderful memories of where I started and where I am now.

Last Friday, while I was at work, I was on a mission to tackle a project I had taken on and to complete this, I needed to learn how to use Mailchimp, which was recently introduced to me. First, I have never been tech-savvy, and I’m technologically challenged. I am learning this software by searching their website for webinars, tutorials, YouTube, and Google. While at work, I was in the zone trying to figure out what I needed to do to execute it. Friday afternoons at the office consist of caregivers coming in to pick up their paychecks. I’m usually engaged in conversations with them as they come in, but this day, I found myself so focused on my computer and laptop that I hardly raised my head. When I did, I didn’t feel I couldn’t even carry on a conversation because my mind was so preoccupied.

I was attempting to copy and paste 45 email contacts, and just when I thought I had done it and clicked on import, I would get an error message and found myself having to start over again, and I would just get more and more frustrated because this happened at least three times. This was just the first step; I still needed to figure out what to do with those contacts once they were imported and how to add them to my email template. Unfortunately, the time came for me to leave, so I felt defeated because I had not finished it before I went for the day. It bothered me so much that I was determined to try it again when I got home. Luckily, I have access to my work files from home, so I took a moment to eat and calm my mind before I made another attempt. I tried again, and as I looked over the copy-and-paste instructions, I saw the issue. It was me. I was the problem because I was looking at the instructions but not reading them. After reading it several times, I could finally complete the task and successfully send the mass email to the contacts.

I cannot begin to express how relieved I felt to accomplish this.  As the night went on, I started to feel bad about not being my usual self with the caregivers and did not take the time to talk to them. Then, another thought crossed my mind. I was single-minded on the task, not listening to what was happening around me, bound and determined to get the job done no matter what. How different would my life be if I incorporated that concept into my daily life and my personal, financial, and spiritual goals? It comes down to my responsibility to myself and God because He is the only one, I need to share my goals and dreams with and the only one I answer to.

Psalm 119:105

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

I was honored and pleased to share my story on the My New Norm podcast with Barry Scott Young. He was my Youth Pastor at Trinity Church more than 30 years ago. My name is Cecilia De Los Santos, and this is my story.

https://mynewnorm.buzzsprout.com/1765225/15303798-my-new-norm-podcast-s5-e1-cecilia-de-los-santos-resilience

Yesterday, I woke up on a mission to trim some weeds that had been overgrown amid a cactus plant I have in the front yard. Well, being that I had surgery 3 months ago and recovery has been slow, I have not had a chance to think of doing any yard work, much less being able to do it. Well, yesterday, I felt I would at least make an attempt first thing in the morning before the weather got too unbearable. So, first things first, how do I accomplish this without hurting myself, and what tool am I going to use? It came to me that when Dad would be outside in the yard, more times than not, you would see him sitting on this small step stool and using these clippers and gloves. I thought to myself, Dad, I think I will follow your lead.

Sure enough, I positioned myself in front of the plant as best as possible and gave it some long-overdue attention. I was pleased with the outcome and felt yet another connection to Dad as I peacefully worked in the yard, picturing him doing the same thing.

I give thanks for this day. It has been a productive day so far. First thing this morning, I participated in a one-on-one Zoom meeting and another video course for the same employer, which provided an overload of information and some ideas and inspiration. It is always a plus when you can go back and replay a video and catch any points you may have missed. Interacting with both was interesting, and I found myself jotting down ideas along the way.

I appreciate that my employer included me in these opportunities. I would often shy away from any challenges that I was not familiar with, or that seemed too complicated for me to grasp. Lately, I have been tasked with some of these challenges, and I have become more comfortable and confident in pursuing them. I strive to continue to carry this through all areas of my life.

From the moment I saw you with your piercing blue eyes. Here’s a gift to you, all of me with all of you. Much more than just one night but a decade plus in the books. Many twists and turns so much I got whiplash and tore up inside and out trying to keep up.

Many times, lashing out warnings to each other do this or that or else. Don’t you ever.  You’re lucky I am not crazy like everyone else, but apparently, not crazy enough, not mad enough, or anything enough. Let’s live in a pretend land like nothing ever happened. You will be back to normal in no time, and we can go back to the way things were. News flash FYI, it will never be the same, and neither will I.

Go ahead, let’s just put on the blinders and block out reality and fill our lives with denial and beat our souls to the ground with resentment and our emotions six feet under or even further.

I’m too much to handle, aren’t I? I’m broken, beaten, dying before your eyes, but you won’t throw me a life vest, just a band-aid and a disappointed look.

I knew before you did but couldn’t bring myself to speak because my voice was lost, and I was weak. Oh, now I see the blood streaming from your mouth. Your tongue must be gone.

It’s a miracle the words finally came out. It was the out we both desperately needed to survive. You finally threw me the lifeline I so desperately needed.

You had the best of me and all of me. You were my best friend, my best lover, my all-consuming drug, my everything, and you became the emotional tormentor of my spirit, heart, and soul.

It was a season for us that will forever be a part of me, but that season needed to end so our lives could begin again.

News flash FYI, I came back louder and stronger, along with my voice.

Thank You.