I woke up feeling a bit off this morning, and even my morning show seemed off. I did not have an appointment today until after lunch, so I entertained the thought of taking a quick nap before starting my day in hopes that I would feel better. When I got comfortable on the couch, I was interrupted by a message from my physician’s office and had to jump on the computer. I was already up by then, so I might as well forget about the nap. On the days I work from home, I often try to fix my hair and put makeup on even though I am not going anywhere. It lifts my spirits and helps me get going. This morning started with a thought of what colors I wanted to put together, and I grabbed an eyeshadow palette. I gravitated toward specific colors and went with the creative flow without thinking about it. I am guilty of overthinking things, which will cause me to hit a wall that no ideas or creative thoughts can break through. This can affect all areas of my life.
Amid my outside transformation, an idea crossed my mind for a reel to put together for the professional organizing company I work for. Let me clarify, I am not an expert on putting videos or reels together. I honestly do not know how to use all available tools and settings to assemble these, but I am basically just doing trial and error. At last, another creative moment came over me, and I put a reel together.
I sat in a moment of silence, feeling a sense of accomplishment. I was almost in a state of shock because of how the day began and how I was feeling until I got up and moved around. The day was not looking promising. As I contemplated sharing this, the words ebb and flow came to mind. I looked up the definition, and of course, many examples came up, but this one stood out to me: “the natural rhythm of life and the continuous change and that there are times when things are on the rise and other times when they are on the decline.”
Things can change minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. We never know what lies ahead. We just find ourselves going with the flow.
I bet you didn’t know that this whole time, I’ve been living with Wonder Woman and Spider Man. Yes, I’ve kept it to myself this whole time, but now it’s time to share. It’s a good thing my parents don’t have social media, much less know how to use it or understand how it works, because they would probably freak out if they knew I was sharing this. We all go through stages in our lives where we face certain limitations that never used to be a problem but suddenly have become an issue in some way, shape, or form. I’ve learned this not only through myself but also through my elderly parents. I hear them say they have always been able to do this or that without help. Now, it’s become apparent to them and me that they do, in fact, need help with sometimes the simplest things. In their minds, they can do anything and everything, and it’s business as usual, but unfortunately, their bodies beg to differ. My job is to be an extension of their arms and legs and help with anything I can. If they are outside in the backyard and I’m home, I’m constantly looking to see where they are and what they are doing. First of all, I’m making sure my mom has her walker and that she is actually using it. She enjoys tending to her plants, watering the yard, feeding the birds, and filling the bird bath. I’ll position the water hose where she can sit on her walker and water what she needs. My dad is pretty independent and usually does yard work like trimming, digging up weeds, and blowing leaves. He has trouble at times with his own mobility but doesn’t want to use a cane or walker. I have to keep an eye on him, too, because, at times, it’s difficult for him to lift his legs when he’s walking, and he has balance issues, too. He’s unable to do so much physical yard work or landscaping anymore, which, thankfully, my brother helps with this once a week. More times than not, my dad is straightening and shredding papers in his work shed that we call the “Cuatito.” With my mom, I can often predict what she’s thinking of doing, and I’ll try to beat her to it if I see that it will be too much for her physically to do. If anything, I try to compromise with her and still let her do what she wants, but I will be there to help. Again, this is all on the basis that I’m actually home. When I’m not home, well, that’s another story because there’s no telling what trouble they can get into!
I’ve mentioned to my parents that the time may come when we will need to look into getting help with those tasks that they can’t do anymore but they aren’t quite ready to entertain that thought yet. I can understand when you feel like you’re losing your independence you feel like you’re losing a bit of yourself. I get that because my situation of not being able to drive can be frustrating. I can’t just pick up and go when I want to. It’s a whole process of scheduling transportation, how much is it going to cost me and I’m dependent on someone else’s time. I don’t like it but it’s my only choice. With my parent’s it’s the same concept in that they too can’t just pick up and go when they want to because my dad can’t drive very far from the house anymore and if it’s raining, he really won’t want to drive even if it’s close to the house. I have to utilize other transportation options for them too. Driving is part of my dad’s independence which is slowly coming to an end. The independence of working on the house and doing little maintenance projects like he was used to doing is no longer an option for him. I know this bothers him and I don’t blame him.
You won’t believe this, but they do have their moments when all of a sudden a change takes place and they take on the personas of Wonder Woman & Spider Man. Yes, I have witnessed this firsthand! One example of this happened recently after I got home from work. I walked in the door and I see my mom sitting down in her recliner I could tell right away something was wrong. She didn’t look like she was feeling well and also had a guilty look on her face so I knew right away something happened. She had fought a battle and came out a little bruised. She had been sitting down at the table in the backyard reading, taking in the beauty of the sunny day, and enjoying the sounds of the birds. Then suddenly, she has the urge to repot one of her plants. She had been planning this mission for a while but wouldn’t share the specifics with me as far as what, when, how, and where. It was on a “need to know” basis. So, here she goes making her way to the fence, and starts digging a hole (don’t think the thought of the position of the walker in relation to her was in the plan). Next thing you know, something is taking over her body and it slowly takes her down to the ground. Well, let me back up and say that she was bent over from the beginning so that didn’t help her cause. So now she’s on the ground and contemplating how she’s going to get up. Dad on the other hand was busy in his cuatito doing his own thing and he’s hard of hearing so he probably wouldn’t have heard her crying out for help. That’s a whole other story for another post! To continue, she’s trying to work up another plan of how to get up from the ground. Thank God the fence was there and somehow she managed to reach up and slowly get up. It took a while, but she did it and it also came with a price. Yes, a price of a cut on the inside of her hand, sore neck and muscles, and plenty of heat patches and Icy Hot. I know you’re wondering….what was the outcome of the task she was in the middle of when this unfortunate mishap occurred? Mission Accomplished! Yes, she is Wonder Woman!
Just when you think the story has ended, there’s more. So, rewind back to when I arrived home from work and I see my mom and she’s detailing her battle from the day. I walk to the backdoor and look outside and ask where dad is. As I mentioned earlier, dad is very independent when it comes to being outside doing his tasks. He’s a very quiet man and keeps to himself. He’s always thinking always planning and he doesn’t share. He keeps it all inside and when he’s ready to share what’s on his mind, watch out! So back to the story, as I’m asking where dad is I’m looking out the window only to see Spider Man in the cuatito with one leg on a table and the other on the ladder holding a big object in his hands. I’m in the middle of WTF and running to the cuatito to witness this firsthand! I run in and again WTF and attempt to take on the burden of this heavy object (big heavy luggage) that is about to overtake him. Actually, this object was about to take us both out but suddenly my own Wonder Woman strength kicks in and saves the day! Spider-Man has been spared as well! Just like my mom, my dad’s day started just as innocently. He was also enjoying his day outside listening to his music on cassette tapes (yes, my dad still has a tape player and cassette tapes), moving things in his shed from one place to another, organizing, sweeping, etc. Then suddenly, something catches his eye and he gets inspired to hang the heaviest object up on the wall while hanging from one leg on the ladder. Oh, Spider-Man what were you thinking!
Living with Wonder Woman and Spider Man can be enlightening, entertaining, challenging, frustrating, mind-boggling, and physically and mentally demanding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful they still have that fight inside to keep moving (even though it’s a lot slower) despite their physical limitations. I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s a fine balance between respecting them to let them do what they want to do but not to the point where they can hurt themselves. I take it one day at a time and I’ve learned to be prepared because I never know what journey these two are going to take me on!
I am doing my best to stay focused on the priority at hand. It has been difficult these last 10 weeks since the surgery to repair my multiple hernias and the removal of my gallbladder. This recovery stage continues to be challenging, and at times, the pain and various symptoms feel as if I just had the surgery. The continued assurance of my physicians that my recovery is going to be longer due to the extent of the surgery, my Adrenal Insufficiency, and my steroids do not provide me with any confidence but, at times, anxiety instead. I admit with any pulling, numbness, or pain that I feel, I cannot help but wonder what is going on inside of me. I wish I could take a peek inside to make sure everything is intact. For now, I do what I can do, which is continue to place my fear and anxiety in the hands of God.
I continue to focus on the work responsibilities of my two employers, which I enjoy and have been blessed to have. I also make it a point to feed my creative side and try new things that force me out of my comfort zone. I also try to practice silence and mindfulness to calm my mind. I recently discovered the YouTube audio screensavers to help with sleep and stress. At night, I use the snowy winter ambiance and, during the day, the cozy beach house ambiance. I never used to like the sounds of silence, but now I gravitate towards it when I hear too much outside noise.
Making space for what matters most is one of the points we share with our clients when they call Alamo Organizers for their home organization needs. This same statement applies to our lives. Making time and space for what matters most to me is priority one. My personal relationship with Jesus Christ is my number one priority, hands down because, without Him, I would definitely not be alive today after all the surgeries, life-and-death situations, and challenges that I have faced throughout my life. In the Bible, I am reminded of the scripture Lamentations 3:22-23, which states, “The love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.”
My next priority is my health, which is the daily management of my disease, let alone any additional issues that come along, like right now with recovery and post-op side effects of surgery. I cannot live in fear of what may or may not happen when it comes to my current situation. I continue to strive to keep my focus on what matters most.
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style” -Maya Angelou
Recently, I came across a writing prompt asking you to list three books that have impacted you and why. Maybe I am overthinking it, but I found it difficult to answer this question immediately. I need to put more thought into this because I do not think I have only three books. I can review the series of books I have read, and the ones for entertainment that I have enjoyed are The Millenium Series by Stieg Larsson, who was the original author but passed away, and other authors continued the series. Secondly, I read The Cormoron Strike Series by Robert Galbraith, and I have also enjoyed the television adaptations of this series. Thirdly, The Chief Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny also had a television adaptation, which I enjoyed. Finally, one of my favorites is The Shetland series by Ann Cleeves, which I enjoyed so much it makes me want to travel to the United Kingdom just to experience the Shetland Islands.
There are many other books that I have read for enlightenment, self-help, etc. I can also say The Bible, but I do not consider that just a regular book. To me, it is not a book that I can read cover to cover and be done and set it aside. It is an instruction manual for life that I have yet to grasp and probably never will. I continue to read and study to seek guidance, wisdom, strength, peace, and, hopefully, understanding.
I still need to ponder this question because I know I need to add many more books to this list, but in the meantime, I ask you what books have impacted you?
So, have you ever had a minute, second, day, week, or year where you are? WTH?! I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster for the past 6 years, much less over the last couple of months, after having major surgery and this slow-moving recovery process, and let me tell you, I cannot do rollercoasters! This rollercoaster has been like you imagine the ride, slowly creeping and enjoying the scenic view. Then you notice the tracks disappear, then suddenly you hit the bottom along with your heart in your stomach, and crap is flying so fast you have no idea what you are looking at and what just happened.
Now is the time for me to try and process what I can (or want to) in my brain because the best way to describe it is that my brain currently has too many tabs open. I strive to quiet my mind daily the best way I know how, whether it is writing, reading, studying my Bible, praying, painting, or drawing. One of my dear cousins once told me to record my feelings on a digital voice recorder. I tried it once and plan on trying that again.
I am currently working on my physical health after this difficult surgery I had, so I can be prepared for what lies ahead for me. This is the moment when I accept once again that I am not Wonder Woman, and I humble myself and cry out to God, I need help with this! I may be weak, but He is strong for both of us.
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Welcome to another episode of Painting With Dlo. I found this random picture in a frame in my parents’ closet. I wanted to see if I could duplicate it.
Anytime we had visitors over to the house, my dad would always go to the door, watch them get into their vehicles, and wave at them as they drove away. If it was friends or family, then all three of us would be there with the front door wide open so they could see Mom because she would be in her wheelchair, and people could not see her unless the door was open.
My dad would do this with repairmen, plumbers, my VIA Para transportation, etc. It did not matter if there was a delay in how slow or fast they would pull away from the driveway or front of the house. He would stand there and wait. I would tell him that he did not have to stand and wait for them because there were times when the drivers would be there for a while to do their paperwork. It did not matter; he would keep the door open to avoid missing when they drove away.
Since their passing, I caught myself doing the same thing. I am carrying on the tradition of Santos & Gloria. So when you come over to visit, the three of us are standing at the front door waving goodbye to you.
Wait! My mind is still in last week! Here is a recap of the previous week’s events. Due to unforeseen circumstances after my recent surgery, I had to reschedule some appointments that I had forgotten were scheduled. I had to play catch up with my Doctor’s appointments. I had my annual eye exam with the Ophthalmologist. After my brain tumor surgery, I was diagnosed with Traumatic Optic Nerve Neuropathy. This was a result of my optic nerves being moved to remove the tumor. My field of vision is along the bridge of my nose; therefore, I lost part of my central and peripheral vision. My depth perception is also off, and I need to be mindful of what is below my chin because I will not see things on the ground. When I am walking, I’m constantly looking at everything. I was informed by the specialist that my vision would either remain the same or gradually get worse. Thankfully, after 16 1/2 years, my vision has remained the same. I also had an MRI of my brain complete, which is required to be done every two years to make sure there are no signs of tumor regrowth. I had not had an MRI in 5 years. I was pleased to receive notification that the results did not show anything to be concerned about.
I had my dentist’s appointment for a cleaning and X-rays. I have been using aligners since October of last year, and so far, so good. I had a bit of a setback with my trays while I was in rehabilitation for physical therapy, but I am back on track. The cleaning process was quick and painless. I have no dental concerns now, so all is well.
I saved the fun for last. I had my annual wellness women’s exam, and thankfully, all is well on this front, too. I even had a last-minute telemedicine appointment with my Primary Physician to close the week.
I report all of this because, as of October 2023, I had begun to reflect and feel like the time had come to put myself first. I felt guilty because, over the last five and a half years, it was not about me. My priority was being my parent’s caregiver and their health, wellness, and quality of life were my focus. Our journey together came to completion, so now I was faced with a now-what moment. Then, it hit me that it was my turn to focus on my health, wellness, and quality of life. There is still more to this part, and I am ready.
The World of Dlo 