Author: dloboss

Today, I received the official discharge date of Monday, April 15th, from the San Antonio Wellness & Rehabilitation Center. It has been painful, frustrating, challenging, humbling, and meaningful the past three weeks, from the hospital portion to my stay here in rehab. I am grateful to the staff for the patience and kindness that they have extended to me during my stay. I cannot express how appreciative I am for all my family and friends’ love, support, visits, and prayers during this time. Thank you to my brothers Ernie and Mike & sister-in-law Lori, sister Sarah & brother-in-law Ronnie, Uncle Art, Aunt Debbie (thanks for the coloring and journal books!), and cousins Jacob, Lucy, Krystal, and Janice for being with me during those difficult instances when I could not respond or communicate with the hospital and rehab staff. I will never forget all that you all did for me. It brings comfort to know that I was not alone, and I look forward to the next part of this recovery process. I have come on the other side of this more determined and stronger.

From the day that I arrived here on March 29^th to the present, it is night and day the progress that has been made. I have had a few more episodes of passing out but have not had one since last week on Thursday. I believe we have remedied the cause of the episodes that have occurred here, and I continue to be proactive in the management of my care while I am here to make sure the episodes do not return. I could not have accomplished any of this without the prayers, love, and support of my family and friends.

Here is a summary of what has transpired since my admittance.

• Improvement in getting up and out of the bed.
• Going to the bathroom on my own.
• Involving my Endocrinologist in the management of my care and medications.
• Completing Physical and Occupational therapy every day.
• My appetite has slowly returned just learning what I can and cannot eat without a gallbladder. The surprise menu with each meal tray and be challenging, to say the least.
• Took a shower on my own while sitting in a chair without any assistance. I only needed help with my drain tubes.
• Becoming stronger in that as of yesterday, I do not need the wheelchair and just the walker for now.
• Walked for the first time without the walker from the therapy room to my room. The therapist had the belt on me as a precaution. Still need to work on my leg strength and quads.
• I am beginning to sleep a little better throughout the night despite the times they come in to take my vitals, drain my tubes, and bring me my medications.
• I met my neighbor across the hallway from my room and we have had time over the last few days to get to know each other. She cannot get out of bed without assistance, so I visit her. I have also met her husband and daughter. It has truly been a blessing to meet her and her family.

This is all that I have for now and I will have more to come. Hopefully, my next one will include me being discharged from this facility. One day and one step at a time.

This statement is profound in its meaning to me because the last week of March ended with me having a hernia and gallbladder surgery and the expectation that I would be returning home by the first of April. The good news is that I was discharged from the hospital by the end of the month the bad news is that I was not going home. I welcomed the month of April as a resident of a Wellness and Rehabilitation Facility. This was one of several plot twists I encountered over the last week. I am still working through and coming to terms with my current reality. For now, I concentrate on completing what is required of me to be released from this facility so I can go home.

Quite a bit has happened since my original blog Cuartito in 2020. First, my father passed in November 2022 and if you are familiar with my previous blog called The Cuartito, you will know that this was my father’s storage shed as well as his version of a man cave. That was his space that contained items that we did not have room for in the house as well as items that he had collected over the years. Many times, I found myself looking inside and wondering where most of these things came from and why he was keeping them. I am sure he had his reasons and I had to respect his area and not question him about it. Through the past years of living with my parents and caring for them, I would gradually begin to eliminate a few small things without him knowing and would also ask him what things he was willing to part with. I would often call Goodwill or Salvation Army to come pick up our donations. After a while, he got used to it and it gave him an excuse to hang out in his shed and rearrange it which consisted of him just moving the items from one end of the shed to the other side. He would even on rare occasions surprise me and ask me to call Goodwill before I had the chance to bring it up first.

Three months after he passed, I began slowly packing his belongings in the house and placing them in the cuartito to begin to sort and see what I was going to donate and what I was going to keep. The moments I would spend in the cuartito would consist of me talking to my father and saying “Seriously?!,” “Why did you keep this?” “We do not even have the thing that goes with this manual anymore!” “What is this dad?”, etc. Because the events that led to his passing came fast and unexpectedly, I had not really processed what had happened and still to this day have not fully dealt with all the emotions, but going into the cuartito is like therapy for me and my time in a way to spend with him.

Over the past year and a half and especially over the last 5 months after my mother’s passing, I have had a chance to pack my mother’s belongings and again place them in the cuartito. Again, I have been going through the therapeutic process of packing, sorting, and organizing items in the cuartito and deciding what to donate and what to keep. I have had a couple of more Goodwill donation pickups since, and I even had a shredding company come and destroy sensitive documents. The space has come a long way and I have had mixed emotions of both feeling productive that I have been able to bring organization to the space, but then I would also have feelings of guilt for going through their belongings and donating items. I often encountered criticism for (in other people’s minds) that I was getting rid of everything too soon. When I had not and only boxed them up and moved them out of the house. I still do have a lot of their belongings in the cuartito organized and secure. Overall, I know it was the right thing to do and I cannot worry about other people’s opinions on whether what I did was right or wrong.

One of the most interesting things that I have encountered through this process is that I have found amazing hidden treasures that my father had kept over the years that have provided glimpses of my father which I did not know. My father was a very private person and kept his thoughts and feelings to himself. Going through the items I found of his just provided me with a little more insight into the things that were sentimental to him and the things he placed the most value on. You learn a lot about a person from the things they keep, and I realize that my father and I were a lot more like than I thought and for that I am grateful.

I have recently across some pictures that I took when I was living in Colorado. The photos that got my attention were from February 2016 and it is interesting to see what views prompted a photo then and years later to see how they moved me now. At that time, I was still dealing with the end of my 14-year relationship four months prior. I made a conscious decision that I was going to start walking more so I could continue to be active and redirect and try to control all the emotions I was dealing with and learn to adjust to being alone.

This particular day, I ventured out to the Silverthorne Outlets and started on the bike path that was located behind the buildings. I was just walking and taking in the cold fresh air and trying to quiet my mind. I realized the scenery that grabbed my attention I probably had not noticed before or just had not taken the time to see before. I have never been drawn to photography as a hobby but at this moment I just let my camera take over and went on an impulse.

What is interesting is that these photos came up in my OneDrive memories from this date 2-20-2016. I felt a sense of awe all over again as I remember when I lived in Summit County Colorado and the beauty that surrounded me. It also brought a renewed sense of appreciation for where I was at that time physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have come a very long way, baby!

Last week I went to an appointment with my Endocrinologist and hadn’t been to her office in person since last year around this time. Aside from that, my appointments up until this point have been telemedicine which has been more convenient for me since it is located across the other side of town and I do not drive. It was required for me to go in person this time since it was the beginning of the new year. Needless to say, I was a little hesitant to go, but I did not have a choice. As I walked into the office to check in at the front desk, I said hello and the response from the woman who greeted me was “You look beautiful today.” I can only imagine what my expression looked like because I was taken by surprise and I think I turned around to see if she was talking to someone else. She kind of chuckled and I said thank you and told her that she was bringing tears to my eyes.

When my appointment was completed, my Dr asked me to go get blood work in the Lab that was across the hall. As I checked into the Lab, I was taken back right away by the Phlebotomist and as soon as I sat down, she asked me “So do you get dressed up and wear makeup every day?” I was again taken by surprise and my expression probably showed it. She complimented my makeup and I thanked her and answered her question.

I was thinking to myself during the entire time I was there that I needed to come here more often for a self-esteem boost. I was feeling on top of the world after this experience! It was all about the kind words that were spoken to me. It caught me by surprise and left me feeling good about myself. It made me reflect on how easy it is to just say a kind word or two. Even just smiling and greeting someone or saying thank you or any simple gesture because a little goes a long way.

I’ve been wanting to paint more, but didn’t know where to begin or what I wanted to paint. I bought a rock painting kit some time ago but I still haven’t tried it. I found myself outside yesterday and decided to just dive in and saw part of this rock in my backyard. It still has natural colors so I just basically enhanced them a little. I’ve never done this before, so I’m feeling a bit vulnerable because I’m sharing this. Maybe this will be the start of something beautiful.

How to define the past eight months is going to take longer to put into words much less on paper. Maybe eight more months to gather my thoughts. I have a bunch of thoughts, dreams, ideas, frustrations, wonders, etc. If I wrote them down, I would have plenty of stories, a book, a blog, etc.

Where do I start?  Why am I writing this in pencil? I never write in pencil. Maybe I was thinking that if I did not like what I wrote I could erase it? Erase any mistakes to where no one could see any trace?  Only I would know where the mistakes were.  I could erase and start over. Some erasers work better than others. There are always some remnants of what was once there it just depends on the eraser. It also depends on how big of a mistake it is. Some are better than others at covering them up.

What is on my pages? Page in my book consists of a storyline, plot, laughter, friend, enemy, truth, lies, honestly, in your face. All the above and let us not forget blood, sweat, tears, and fears. Can’t forget that it is the meat of it.

In reading one of my old journals, I came across a memory that I hadn’t thought about in over five years. I literally blocked it out of my mind and never looked back. It is interesting reading something as time goes by and it drums up old emotions and you almost relive the moment.

A person that I once held in high regard once asked me if I would help with their campaign for local office in Colorado. I felt obligated so I said yes. Deep down I knew I didn’t want to, and my heart was not in it. Part of his plan consisted of me sharing all the bad work experiences I had with his opponent while he was my supervisor. He was trying to gather as much dirt on his opponent as possible. I walked away from that meeting sick to my stomach because I knew I didn’t want to participate in something like that. After much thought, I ended up texting him and stated that at this time my focus was on my health because I had unexpected surgery a few weeks prior and was still recovering. I was also getting prepared to move out of state in a month and said that I would have to decline on his request to assist him with his campaign. My last sentence was I hope you understand. His reply was I’m sorry I don’t. I sat there reading this text with my jaw on the floor and in shock. Without any hesitation, I blocked his number from my phone.

How often can people who you admire and look up to disappoint you at the same time. After this person was my supervisor for almost ten years, he suddenly became unrecognizable to me. I remember the many conversations that we used to have when he would give me a ride home from work. We would just shoot the breeze, talk about life, and our families, and he would often be my soundboard. I would share my struggles with my health because he could relate because he was going through his own challenges with his wife’s health issues.  He was often my go-to for the voice of reason and advice in a professional capacity. I trusted and respected him both personally and professionally.

An unfortunate event took place and he immediately changed. There was a wall that came up around him. He was no longer the one I could approach, no more open-door policy, it was closed and stone cold. The communication we once had was strained and I no longer felt comfortable speaking to him. After another series of unfortunate events transpired, he still had the nerve to contact me to help him with his campaign. Which is why I felt hesitation to begin with.

I never confronted him about what had transpired between us. I just left it the way it was and just learned to let go of the bad experiences and remember the good part of our relationship. I must believe that those memories were genuine.