Author: dloboss

At this point in my life, I am all about the little things and celebrating any accomplishment, big or small. I think that small steps lead to more significant changes. I keep receiving confirmation from different avenues that I need to focus on the Lord, and He will guide me in my steps. It is not like I did not already believe this, but right now, when I am debating on what I should do professionally, this is ringing loud to keep my focus and move forward no matter who or what is attempting to distract me.

It is not even a week into the month, and so far, I have had my start-of-the-year follow-up appointments with my Primary Physician and my Endocrinologist. The good news is that all the lab work that was ordered came back good, with the exception of a couple of things. We are continuing to make strides to keep those conditions associated with my Adrenal Insufficiency manageable. My health is now a top priority, and that goes hand in hand with my mental and spiritual health.

Here is to making little changes that will have a significant impact!

I utilize the VIA Para transportation service, and I will usually have different drivers, but occasionally, I will encounter a familiar face. Recently, a driver asked me, as soon as I entered the vehicle, if I still worked at a place he remembered taking me to. His question threw me off because of the place he mentioned I had not worked at in over two years. Unfortunately, he did not look familiar to me, so my memory was not serving me well then. He explained that as soon as I started talking, he remembered me and my personality and that I looked different. At that moment, my thought was whether this could be a good or bad thing. He had just picked me up from the gym, so I was not looking my best. He also remembered me often telling funny stories about my mom and dad and being their caregiver. As the conversation continued, I relaxed and realized this was a good thing.

This encounter made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was a reminder that while I am on the transportation service, which, due to being a rideshare, can be a quick trip or an hour and a half to two hours long, to take the time to share a friendly hello and thank you to the driver and conversation if the driver is open to it. I never know who I will encounter on my trips, but I hope to brighten someone’s day with a smile, hello, and thank you.

It’s taken me a while to get the motivation to write anything, to put words together, and to filter my thoughts to make sense of them. I have yet to figure out where to begin due to the battle that is ongoing in my mind. I am almost willing to admit it might be easier to sort through the present and work my way back. Maybe, just maybe, feeling vulnerable enough to share.

Stay tuned.

I completed an energy assessment at my house last fall, and in the process, I was informed of a weatherization program offered through City Public Service. Due to other priorities at the time, I had to place this on hold. Recently, while thinking about preparing the house for winter, I thought of completing the application. After my application submission, I received a call that I qualified for the program. Another home assessment was scheduled, and they stated that they could install insulation throughout the house and attic, replace an old wall heater, and replace the front door.

Upon hearing this news, I was beyond elated and grateful that this would be possible. This house was built in 1959, and the original structure, windows, and doors are all original. The house was never well insulated, so we always had A/C wall units to use in the summer and winter space heaters in each room, except for old wall heaters in the living room and bathroom that I remember using when I was younger.

Over the last 5 years, we have replaced the roof, part of the original plumbing underneath the house, a new water heater, and other minor maintenance issues that arose, but other than that, this house has stood the test of time. The life changes of my parents no longer here bring many instances of reflection on the impact that this house has had on my life, especially over the last six years that I have been living in it. Thankfully, I can continue residing in this home thanks to my parents.

With the circumstances over the last couple of years, I feel an even stronger sense of being under construction. On November 26, 2022, after my dad passed, my foundation began to crack and showed signs of disintegrating. On September 4, 2023, after the passing of my mom, my foundation collapsed and was reduced to nearly nothing. When you reach that point, one wonders what, if anything, was salvageable. There have been too many times in my life that I have lost count when I have been stripped down to the core and did not see any light or hope for my future. Then suddenly little by little signs of life would reappear and each time a new blueprint was designed for the next rebuild. Currently, there is another blueprint in the works being created for me and I wait in anticipation of what it reveals.

So, a caution to all. I am still under construction.

My Wonder Woman. My mom, Gloria. She was a wonder from the beginning, and I was glued to her side so I would not miss a thing. We were always outside, and she would always read to me. We would hang out on the swing. She would sing and talk to our pets and the birds, and I would watch her work in the yard with my dad. That was my world as a child, my happy place.

My mom was a determined, stubborn, strong, skeptical, loyal, loving, creative, crafty, intentional, thoughtful, and strong woman of faith and God. Even when we were apart for those twenty years, we were still together. Her voice and her love flowed through me. Little did she know how connected we really were because we were both going through our own medical challenges at the same time but experiencing them miles and states apart.

God brought me back to care for her and my dad. This journey showed me just how much I learned from watching her while I was growing up, how pivotal it would play in caring for them both, and how pivotal it would be after they passed.

I still hear her voice, and her love still flows through me. She is still my Wonder Woman.

Here are a couple of treasures that I kept of my mom. I’m honestly not sure how long she had these items, but I remember her telling me a story about the two bookends given to her by, I believe, one of her aunts many years ago. I remember seeing the mirror when I was younger and always admired it from afar. I have this mirror sitting out at my makeup vanity, and I often use it even though I have a larger mirror with lights. It brings a smile and comfort to my heart that I cannot express.

My mom treasured the bookends, and she always had them displayed in one way, shape, or form through the years. I remember I had moved them once, and I accidentally dropped one of them, as you can see. My heart stopped, and I was sure I would get in trouble. I confessed that I broke it, and I think I tried to get my dad to glue it back together, but as you can see, it did not work very well. I set them back on the shelf and did not touch them until after she passed. I keep them displayed in the living room with my books. For some reason, I do not want to repair the break just yet. For now, I will continue to admire these, too, because, despite the break, they are in good hands.

Today is the first time I have met someone in person who has the same disease as myself, which is Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I have had this disease for almost seventeen years and pretty much have felt alone because I have not had anyone to talk to who can relate or understand the struggles with this disease. It was not until years after being diagnosed that I discovered Facebook support groups for individuals with Addison’s Disease and Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. I thought to myself that I hit the jackpot! It was a place to learn how others were living with their disease and the symptoms they were experiencing. I could ask questions and then go to my physician and see if the treatments and medications I was learning about would work for me. It was a safe place to vent my frustrations and feel like I would not be judged. I am still a member of various support groups, which are vital sources of information for me.

A couple of months ago, I received a response to a blog post I had shared on Nextdoor. Much to my amazement, it was someone who also has Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency and had a similar story to mine of living in Colorado and working in law enforcement. It literally blew me away. After communicating through email, we finally met today for lunch, and it was so encouraging to feel like I had made an ally. We were talking as if we had known each other before, and it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone and not have to explain the specifics of our disease because we knew what each was saying.

If my memory serves me right, I believe an Endocrinologist told me about support groups on Facebook. I look back and wonder why I did not ask more questions and inquire about local support groups available through that particular health system. That is my fault for not speaking up then, but I lived and learned my lessons. I have had conversations with individuals, and I have found myself sharing that you need to be your own advocate because oftentimes, you cannot rely on others to do it for you. I learned this not only with myself but while I was my parent’s caregiver. There were many instances when I needed to be their voice and advocate with their physicians and in every aspect of their lives. I would not hesitate to make the necessary calls to get help. I will continue to do this for myself and use my voice to ask questions and inquire about available resources and guidance. Maybe in this process, I can gather more allies, and we can help and support each other.

The bottom line is that we are not alone, and God will be there to guide us along the way, but we need to ask for help. If we do our part by reaching out to our local community resources, physicians, etc., then God will take over the rest.

Matthew 7:7-12 NIV translation: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.